Bring out the Whiskey, Mother,
I'm feeling frisky, Mother,
Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight;
Bring out the sheets of rubber,
Whips, chains, and peanut butter,
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out my little sister,
You'll see how much I've missed her
Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night
Bring out my little brother,
He'll be my perfect lover
England's a begger, but Scotland's depraved.

Gerbils don't make it, Mother,
They just can't take it, Mother
Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight
Bring out the preacher's daughter,
You'll see how much I've taught her
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out my favourite fellow,
Bring out the cherry jello
Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night
God knows I really wanna,
Bring out the greased Iguana
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out my little poochie,
We'll do the hootchie-cootchie
Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight
God knows I wanna disco,
Bring out the butter Crisco
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out the chimpanzees-es,
We'll give them our diseases
Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night
Bring out the platypuses,
They've got a thousand uses
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Call out the Glasgow bobbies,
We'll teach them brand new hobbies
Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight
Dollies inflatable,
With morals debatable
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out a Bengal Lancer,
Dressed like a belly dancer
Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night
God knows I'm really randy,
Good thing I'm really handy
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out the chains and leather,
Bring out the ostrich feather,
Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight
Bring out my Uncle Neddie,
Clad in a tartan teddie
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.

Swine, donkeys, sheep and cattle,
I'll make their jawbones rattle
Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night
I'm as horny as a klaxon,
I'll even take a Saxon
England's a beggar, but Scotland's depraved.