The Scotsman
By Mike Cross, first recorded by Brian Bowers
A scotsman clad in kilt, left the bar one evening fair
One could tell by the way he walked he drank more than his share.
He fumbled 'round till he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
(chorus)
Ring-di-diddle-i-didi-o
Ring-di-diddle-i-o
(Last line of verse)
About that time two young and lovely girls happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping scotsman so proud and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.
(chorus)
They crept up on that sleeping scotsman quiet as could be.
And lifted up his kilt just an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view, beneath his scotish skirt.
Was nothing more than god had graced him with upon his birth.
(chorus)
They marveled for a moment, one said we must be gone
Lets leave a present for our friend, before we move along.
They left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonny star the scots kilt did lift and show
(chorus)
The scotsman woke to nature's call, and stumbled towards a tree.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
In a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
Och, lad I dont know where you've been but I see you've won first prize!
(chorus)
Submitted by killerpiper@hotmail.com:
His fingers still with drinking numb, his head still spining 'round,
He could not loose that knot, so he left it as 'twas found,
and when his wife did spy on that fair stem what flower grows,
It peaked her curiosity, as you might well supose.
(chorus)
When she inquired where he'd been and what he'd done,
he said there had been a contest at the pub and he had won,
She said, "How could you show that thing in front of all those men?"
"I dinna show it all, me lassie, just enough to win!"
(chorus)
Submitted by J C Ronsen (caleb@buffnet.net):
Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street.
He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet:
She said, "I've heard what's under there, tell me, is it so?"
He Said, "Just slip your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know!"
(chorus)
She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes.
She cried, "Why sir, that's gruesome!" And then she heard him roar,
"If you put you hand up once again you'll find it's grew some more!"